Commissary limits retirees to two war stories per visit
Do not make eye contact. Just back away.
Just breathe
FORT LEE, Va. — Seeking to regain lost productivity among commissary employees and active service members, military commissaries will limit the number of war stories a retiree may tell patrons and employees while shopping to two per visit, the Defense Commissary Agency confirmed today.
"War stories, like good food, should be consumed in moderation," said agency director William F. Moore, himself the son of a hardened combat veteran who often told bold tales while trying to save 30% over retail store prices.
“It’s been on the increase since the 9/11 attacks,” Moore said. “Did you know employees have lost their entire fifteen-minute break when a patron stops them to ask where the MREs are? And forget it if it’s someone in uniform trying to buy something for lunch. Next thing you know, some Master Sgt. who cut his teeth in Kandahar is listening to a septuagenarian’s 1,000th retelling of what it’s like to eat an MRE while on patrol in some training area at Fort Sill.”
Standing wi…
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