DARPA to reanimate Eisenhower's corpse in time for presidential election

THE PENTAGON — The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency is attempting to bring President Dwight D. Eisenhower back to life, sources familiar with the top secret plans say.

“Let’s be honest,” said Dr. Frank Stein, the head of DARPA’s reanimation directorate. “We haven’t had a decent President since Eisenhower. After Ike, it's either been them all get…