MOSCOW — The Kremlin has decided to cease a variety of malign activities for Lent, reports say. The 40-day period includes all manner of hybrid warfare activities ranging from assassinating dissidents with nerve agents and shooting down civilian airliners to hacking US political parties and spreading propaganda on the Internet.

Russian President Vladimir V. Putin made the announcement this morning in the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour in Moscow. The former KGB thug has positioned himself as "a pretty Christian kind of a guy" in recent years.

"Lent is a time we give up some of those little vices we're often so fond of," said Putin. "But for the next forty days, we'll be swearing off everything from killer umbrellas to little green men."