Intel private who got classified tattoo now living in SCIF
No video games, no Dodge Challengers, not a single luxury
As For Class
October 14, 2023
Spitters, shit cans, and shredders are Pvt. Davidson’s life now.
FORT MEADE, MD – In a twist of reality that would make Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller cringe, Pvt. Joe “Ink” Davidson – a recent addition to the ranks of the military’s finest intelligence professionals – is confined to living in a Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility (SCIF) after getting separate tattoos on each buttock that, when associated, are classified.
Davidson had just graduated basic training when he decided to celebrate his newfound status as a wielder of classified information by permanently stamping some of that information on his buttocks. He explained the lapse as only a 19-year-old analyst could.
“It was two different things, Sarn’t! I didn’t know they could become classified together. If someone would have told me it’s like Kamina And Simon From Gurren Lagann coming together with their mechs to form a team I would have understood but how was I supposed to see this coming?”
Davidson’s platoon sergeant, Sgt. Adriel Ramirez, was shocked when he first caught a glimpse of the tattoo during morning PT.
“I thought it was a joke at first, but then I realized this kid actually got classified material inked on his rear end,” Ramirez said. “I mean, we've seen some bad military tattoos, but this takes the cake. And, no, don’t look at me like that. Davidson had his pants down and was showing everyone he could the classified tattoo. We were lucky to be there to tackle him before anyone else was a victim of spillage.”
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