Schrödinger's Specialist baffles philosophers and platoon sergeants alike
What is a sham but a perception?
Schrödinger's Specialist: Is this a regulation haircut or a refusal to cut hair at all?
FORT MEADE, Md. – In an unprecedented blend of quantum physics and shamtacular reality, a Specialist has become the subject of bafflement for both philosophers and warrant officers, alike. The enigma? Schrödinger's Specialist, a soldier who simultaneously exists and doesn't exist within the confines of the military space-time continuum.
The experiment was the result of years of study by the E4 Mafia, long thought to be fruitless until the day that Schrödinger's Specialist simultaneously vanished and manifested from reality while clearly both sleeping and playing Fortnite; both activities accomplished while he was supposed to be the duty runner on staff duty.
Leading theoretical physicist Dr. Albert Wazingburn remarked, “This Schrödinger's Specialist paradox defies all classical logic. Beyond the now infamous thought experiment with the cat, this Specialist is in a state of being both present and absen…
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