WASHINGTON — In the long-standing tradition of generosity at the holidays and limitless support for the troops, the United States Department of Veterans Affairs has announced a new program that will offer a free cup of coffee to each service member while they wait in line to die.

“We were inspired by recent Veteran’s Day promotions run by chain restaurants like Applebee’s offering service members free meals,” said the Secretary of Veteran’s Affairs Denis McDonough. “When we saw the remarkable amounts of goodwill generated while making double amputees wait in long lines for a free appetizer, a lightbulb went off.”

Officials estimate the program will cost the VA between .05 to .35 cents per service member depending on how many visits to a VA hospital or clinic it takes for them to die.