THE PENTAGON — The Joint Chiefs are reportedly field testing a newly-generated Toby Keith song about Iran created using artificial intelligence trained on decades of country music and early-2000s war propaganda, sources confirmed today.
“We’ve been trying to get the chorus right,” said a senior defense official. “You need something that hits emotionally but also threatens overwhelming violence in a way that tests well in focus groups.”
According to officials, the Pentagon initially struggled to replicate the late singer’s signature style before turning to a defense contractor specializing in “heritage-based synthetic patriotism.”
“We trained our AI on every Toby Keith song ever recorded,” said a company spokesman. “So now it understands trucks, America, beer, revenge, and vague Middle Eastern geography at a doctoral level.”
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reportedly took a personal interest in the project, insisting the song maintain what aides described as “maximum early-2000s energy.”
“He kept saying it needed to feel like something you’d hear right before a war nobody can clearly define,” one staffer said. “Something that makes you want to invade a country you only learned existed two days ago.”
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The current version of the song reportedly includes references to freedom, retaliation, pickup trucks, and a chorus that simply repeats the word “justice” over increasingly loud guitar riffs, including the line, "We’ll put boots on your sand and freedom in your ground / Turn your skyline into nothin’ but a cratered little town."
