WASHINGTON, DC - In a move that has Pentagon insiders both bewildered and amused, the United States Air Force has made an unprecedented offer to donate its fleet of A-10 Thunderbolt II aircraft, affectionately known as “Warthogs,” to Ukraine. Or, in a surprising twist, to “literally anyone else who will take them off our hands,” as one exasperated official put it.
“We’re pretty much begging at this point,” said Air Force spokesperson Lt. Col. Barry Flightpath. “We’ve tried everything – Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, even a lemonade stand-style pitch outside the Pentagon. If you’ve got a ZIP code, we’ve got an A-10 for you.”
The A-10, known for its distinctive “BRRRT” sound and unparalleled close air support capabilities, has long been a subject of contention within the Air Force. With modernization efforts in full swing and budgets tighter than the cockpit of an F-35, the service is looking to offload the aging aircraft to make room for newer, shinier toys.
“We thought about making them into a trendy pop-up hotel experience,” Flightpath mused, flipping through a PowerPoint deck titled ‘Operation Warthog AirBnB.’ “But then we figured, why not just give them to Ukraine? Or, I don’t know, a well-organized homeowners association? Really, we’re not picky.”
