Navy eyeing discounted Boeing 737s


180120-N-KG618-1086 Navy P-8 Poseidon Aircraft ANDERSEN AIR FORCE BASE, Guam (Jan. 20, 2019) — A P-8A Poseidon assigned to the "War Eagles" of Patrol Squadron 16 is about to be launched during Exercise Sea Dragon. Exercise Sea Dragon is an annual, multilateral exercise that stresses coordinated anti-submarine warfare prosecution against both simulated and live targets. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Kevin A. Flinn/Released)

RENTON, Wash. — The Navy is investigating a potential “sweet deal” to increase its fleet of P-8 aircraft, sources confirmed today.

The Navy’s P-8 Poseidon, an invaluable asset in submarine detection, is a modified Boeing 737 aircraft. The Boeing 737 Max has recently come under intense scrutiny and grounded for equipment failure following a string of crashes. Navy leadership paid an emergency visit to the Boeing plant in Renton, Washington, shortly after the news broke.

“How much for this puppy right here?” asked Secretary of the Navy Richard Spencer, slapping the nose of a 737. “How does $1,400 sound? I can do 15, but that’s my limit.”

Spencer met with a Boeing sales representative wearing a bright yellow suit, and the two men spent the day walking around the lot. One man would make an offer while the other would pretend to walk. Negotiations lasted late into the evening.

“The Navy has a long tradition of buying broken airplanes,” said assistant Secretary of the Navy James Geurts, who is in charge of Navy acquisitions. “However, we are looking to start saving money when we purchase potentially dangerous aircraft.”

Navy spokesmen at the Pentagon confirmed the plan is to have a deal hashed out by the end of the week. Progress has been reportedly made, but small details like air fresheners and fuzzy dice are remaining to be decided.

“I think they said it was an autopilot problem,” said Geurts. “No problem, whatever it is it can’t be as bad as our pilots’ hand flying.”


Wob Weego

Air National Guard is the tip of the spear. Stand up comic and co-host of the Excuse Me History Podcast.
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