THE PENTAGON—Greg Jenson, a government contractor working on the Army staff, has yet to tell his coworkers, supervisors, or the ladies running the snack bar in his corridor that
1. The Phalanx Why do millennials hate the ideal military formation, one that managed to create an offensive infantry juggernaut while protecting against frontal assault and cavalry? We don’t
JOINT BASE LEWIS-MCCHORD, Wash.—U.S. Special Forces Command has announced Sgt. First Class Clifford Randall has been stripped of his Special Forces tab and Bronze Star as a result
FORT BENNING, Ga.—Researchers studying the superhuman physical stamina and questionable dental health of a group of 100 sergeants major has concluded that their success can be attributed, in part,
WASHINGTON—Greenpeace released a statement today lauding the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps Navy for its “courageous and necessary” decision to seize two British-operated oil tankers in the Strait of Hormuz.
TRANQUILITY BASE—Fifty years after the first moon landing, astronaut and former Air Force pilot Buzz Aldrin has demanded that he be allowed to retrace his steps and look for
SOMEWHERE IN CYBERSPACE—Infamous military conspiracy theorist and U.S. Marine Corps veteran John Lazarus has a problem: He can’t believe it’s not butter. Moreover, Lazarus has a
FORT BRAGG, N.C.—Maj. Sandra Jones has been whispered about throughout the SERE—survive, evade, resist, escape—community for weeks, as one of the very few attendees ever who
LANGLEY AFB, Va. — Air Force lawyers suffered a major embarrassment yesterday, after Judge Advocate General Capt. Jim Hansard was found guilty in a food court of cutting the line at
JOINT BASE ANDREWS, Md.—In honor of Erectile Dysfunction Awareness Day, Joint Base Andrews commander Col. Richard Weinerstein has ordered all flags flown at half-staff. “Many of our airmen find
WASHINGTON — Officers across the military who have been awarded Bronze Stars say they are terrified for the future after learning that President Donald Trump had on Wednesday rescinded four bullshit
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif.—The moment that installation commanders have been claiming would happen has finally taken place: A Marine wearing a reflective belt has been hit by a car. The
KANDAHAR, Afghanistan — As more and more young Afghans turn to television and social media, the Taliban's leaders are worried its youth are no longer ready for the fight
WASHINGTON — After 71 years, the U.S. Air Force is changing its name, the U.S. As Fuck (USAF) announced today. The world’s premier air and space force decided
I heard you talking earlier about how you were in the military. First, thank you for your service. That’s awesome and I want to let you know, I appreciate
STUTTGART, Germany—Military liaison officers throughout Europe are anxiously watching developments after Major Marco Lopez, U.S. Army Europe (USAREUR) liaison to Headquarters, U.S. European Command (HQ USEUCOM), was
FLAVORTOWN — President Donald Trump officially nominated Guy Fieri to fill the new post of Chairman of the Joint Chefs, the White house reported today. "I was speaking with my
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon approved $157 million in modernization costs to make the aging RGM-84 Harpoon missile system yell "DJ Khaled!" before impacting its target, sources report. In what
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Billy, 6, is an old soul with the wherewithal to call it like he sees it. Recently, he has taken to calling recess his "deployments
DOHA, Qatar — U.S. representatives in continuing talks with the Taliban are confident of finally achieving the illusion of victory in Afghanistan, sources say. Top American negotiator Charles “Charlie” Brown
ENFIELD, Conn. — The LEGO Group has announced a new unlimited edition LEGO set to be released later this year commemorating the conflict in Afghanistan, also known as The Forever War.
HONOLULU, Hawaii — Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard (D-HI) was surprised with deployment orders to Antarctica earlier today, her presidential campaign confirmed. The Democratic presidential candidate has been a unique critical voice against
NEW YORK — The Department of Veterans Affairs breathed a collective sigh of relief after the Metropolitan Correctional Center in New York was named the absolute worst suicide prevention program in
KABUL, Afghanistan – Onlookers were stunned today when Capt. Chad McCarthy, an officer with 4th Psychological Operations Group, provided a realistic capability brief to the task force command and staff to
RAQQA, Syria — The Islamic State (ISIS) has announced it will be retiring it aging fleet of Toyota Hilux "Technicals," which have carried Jihad across the middle east for
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