Army captains to complete ‘ice bucket challenge’ at career course
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The Taliban don't have video games. So why are they so violent, US wonders
KABUL – US Gen. Scott Miller, Commander of the international coalition in Afghanistan, expressed confusion in the wake of the latest bombing in Farah province, which destroyed a bus and killed
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New Army chief of staff introduces #TryWinning campaign
WASHINGTON — In his first week as Army Chief of Staff, General James C. McConville emailed a letter to the force outlining his humble suggestion that the army #TryWinning sometime, just
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Lindsey graham volunteers to remain behind in Afghanistan and fight Taliban if troops withdraw
GREENVILLE, S.C. –Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) released a video statement on YouTube today in which he assured voters he would stay in Afghanistan and fight the Taliban after
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Sgt. Maj. Of the Army tells chief of staff he’ll never make it on the outside
THE PENTAGON -- Command Sgt. Maj. Michael A. Grinston, the 16th Sgt. Maj. of the Army, told Army Chief of Staff James C. McConville that he’ll “never make it
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Islamic state joins UN human rights council
SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA -- The Islamic State will soon be appointed to head the United Nations subcommittee tasked with abolishing slavery worldwide, according to several people familiar with the matter.
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This air assault soldier never skips leg day
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. – Specialist Kenny Zweitbester, an infantryman assigned to 3rd Brigade, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), has not skipped leg day since he arrived at the unit nearly two
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Major awarded Bronze Star for ‘uncommon valor during wargame’
JOINT BASE LANGLEY-EUSTIS, Va. – Gen. John “Mike” Murray pinned the Bronze Star Medal with “snake eyes” device on Major Dennis Klinefelter today for conspicuous gallantry in the face of overwhelming
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Dirtbag colonel forgets to make coffee, vacuum floor again
THE PENTAGON — Some shitbag colonel working at the Pentagon forgot to make coffee and vacuum the floor before leaving work yesterday, sources have confirmed. Marking yet another fuck-up since he
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Navy relocates BUD/s to fort Leavenworth
FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan. — The US Navy has decided to get in front of some of the SEAL controversies by relocating BUD/S to Fort Leavenworth, home of the Army'
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New ‘1-Click enlistment‘ program set to increase military recruiting
FORT KNOX, Ky. — Facing a downward trend in recruiting numbers, the U.S. armed forces have partnered with Amazon to create the new "1-Click Enlistment" program, allowing high
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Marie Kondo urges nation to thank veterans for their service before discarding them
WASHINGTON — Acting Deputy Defense Secretary Marie Kondo has issued a suggestion for the American people: Thank veterans for the joy they brought them before ultimately discarding them. Popular Japanese minimalist
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DoD bans single-use plastic explosives
THE PENTAGON — Starting in fiscal year 2021, the Department of Defense will reduce waste. by banning all single-use plastic explosives. "I directed this policy change after reading a shocking
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War dog returns from combat with necklace of enemy buttholes
FORT BENNING, Ga. – Trigger, a military working dog assigned to the 127th Military Police Company, shocked his handlers by coming back from his last deployment with a necklace of enemy
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New Pentagon superweapon spreads jobs throughout every congressional district
WASHINGTON — A new superweapon being developed by the Pentagon is set to be the first ever weapon able to spread jobs simultaneously throughout all 435 congressional districts. The most lethal
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Grown man yells at other grown man for not wearing a hat outside
TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. — Multiple eyewitnesses have reported that Sgt. Maj. Shawn DeWitt, a divorced 37 year-old with two children, grew visibly upset at the sight of another adult male without
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Taliban warns against travel to U.S. due to gun violence
KABUL, Afghanistan — The Taliban has issued an official warning against travel to the United States because an increased threat of gun violence. The announcement warned all Afghanis, “Do not travel
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Army names astronaut anne McClain as senior Cyber crime officer
WASHINGTON — Senior Army officials are calling the appointment of Lt. Col. Anne McClain, astronaut and cyber capabilities expert, as Director of the Cyber Crime Prevention Program a step toward ensuring
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DFAC enters ‘chicken sandwich war’
TRAVIS AFB, Calif. — The dining facility (DFAC) at Travis Air Force Base has boldly proclaimed they have the best chicken sandwich on earth, jumping feet first into the so-called "
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Veteran can't decide which service medal pocket square to wear to new job
CALVERT CITY, Ken. — Tristen Houk is a former air defense artillery soldier fresh out of the U.S. Army who is ready to begin his civilian career. While this transition
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NOAA spots massive hurricane over Tehran
WASHINGTON – The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration spotted a Category 5 hurricane threatening the Iranian capital of Tehran late last evening, according to President Donald Trump. “The great people of
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Texas A&M Corps of cadets found guilty of 143 years of stolen valor
COLLEGE STATION, Texas – The student body of Texas A&M University was rocked today by news that their Corps of Cadets is guilty of stolen valor and has been
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Nation 'pretty sure' it's forgetting something
FARGO, N.D. — Americans everywhere were struck with the sudden feeling they were forgetting something this morning, though none of them could figure out what it was. At 8:46
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VA secretary calls department’s suicide hotline after latest scandal
WASHINGTON – Veterans Affairs Secretary Robert Wilkie called his own department’s suicide hotline last night after yet another in a long line of scandals rocked the Department of Veterans Affairs
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Aircrew hoping congressional subpoena will move travel voucher along
ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Members of the 249th Airlift Squadron are excited about an investigation into their official travel at President Donald Trump's hotel in Scotland. While the outcome could
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