Marine stops masturbating long enough to return fire

No port-a-potties were harmed in the reporting of this article.

By Cat Astronaut

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — During a harrowing firefight this morning, sources report that at least one Marine stopped masturbating long enough to return fire.

“We were taking heavy machine gun and mortar fire, but not so heavy that I didn’t think I could finish first,” Lance Cpl. Richard Yankovich said. “Then Staff Sergeant gave a direct orde…