MOSCOW — Russian President Vladimir Putin told reporters today that he is “shocked, confused, and seemingly without direction in the universe” after the US Central Intelligence Agency failed to interfere in
SHEIK ZUWEID, EGYPT — The Islamic State has implemented a new “blow up or out” promotion policy for its jihadi leaders, according to multiple sources within the Islamic State military personnel
KABUL — The United States just stared ahead with a blank look on its face after the Afghanistan War began asking questions about where small wars actually come from, sources confirmed
EL PASO, Texas — The U.S. Army's top enlisted man has been seen walking around a number of U.S. Army installations in an attempt to round up
MAZAR E-SHARIF, Afghanistan — Noting “breathtaking” progress the Afghan government and Afghan President Ashraf Ghani have made, a senior officer in the Resolute Support mission said there is never going to
The following is a transcript of a recent company demotion ceremony that took place at Fort Hood, Texas. ADJUTANT: Attention to Orders! The Battalion Commander has expressed disappointment in the
US-MEXICO BORDER, Ariz. — President Donald Trump has declared a state of emergency on the U.S. border with Mexico and is deploying thousands of National Guard troops there to masturbate,
The following is a point/counterpoint article discussing the importance of keeping quiet on a field op at all costs, while also questioning where farts fit in to the picture.
FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas — U.S. Army North commander Lt. Gen. Jeffrey S. Buchanan, who failed a land navigation course as a lieutenant, mistakenly reported for duty today at U.
ARLINGTON, Va. — A new veterans’ advocacy group is calling on the Department of Veterans Affairs to fund ‘thank you for your service’ dogs for veterans with social adjustment difficulties, sources
FORT IRWIN, Calif. — Pfc. Amanda Richards surprised peers and superiors alike when she emerged from six weeks “in the box” at the National Training Center with an eerie hollowness in
CAMP MCCRADY, S.C. — An Army Reservist on his first annual training told fellow soldiers he's "pretty sure" this will be easy, after he was ordered
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National Park Service has announced the selection of a design called The Eternal Flaming Wheelbarrow Of Cash as a memorial to honor veterans who served in
BETHESDA, Md. — After lurching awake in a sweating, panicky daze, new White House National Security Advisor John Bolton was reportedly relieved that the image of a harmonious world at peace
LANGLEY, Va. — The Central Intelligence Agency has received authorization to spy on terrorists and other threats to national security on the websites of MySpace and AOL, some 15 years after
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A team leader in California’s 49th Military Police Brigade has publicly decried the Trump administration's plan to send National Guard troops to curb border crossings
GRAMERCY PARK, New York — After the recent passing of actor and military icon R. Lee Ermey, Full Metal Jacket co-star Vincent D’Onofrio has announced that he actually slept for
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Marines everywhere were saddened at the death of former Marine and committed POG Staff Sgt. R. Lee Ermey, who passed away earlier this week. Ermey, a former
TAL BAYDAR, Syria — A lieutenant in the middle of calling in an air strike on ISIS fighters has told the pilots he needs just another minute or two to figure
FORT MEADE, Md. — President Donald Trump is furious after a US Cyber Command offensive cyber operation deleted more than half his Twitter followers, sources confirmed today. The operation, dubbed Cheeto
WASHINGTON — Congressional leaders from both parties told reporters they were baffled recently after Defense Secretary Jim Mattis sought their approval before going ahead with missile strikes against the Assad regime
THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense is warning female service members that they could face harsh punishment if they are caught wearing dinosaur hand puppets while being sexually assaulted by
YOUR BASE — Sources at the base headquarters office are reporting that you and everyone else in your unit are to report immediately to the base fitness center for what they
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Maj. Gen. Terry Haston, the adjutant general for the Tennessee National Guard who ended and ruined several careers over a lighthearted reenlistment video featuring a puppet, has revealed
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Following outrage over a viral video in which an Air National Guardsman reenlisted while wearing a dinosaur hand puppet, Tennessee National Guard Adjutant General Maj. Gen. Terry Haston
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