WASHINGTON — As the United States works through its immense internal challenges with human rights, equality, and government use of force, Syrian president Bashar al-Assad seeks to help the US in the same way the US helped during the recent Syrian civil war.

“We’re sending advisors from our elite special operations units to, you know, help foster peace,” Assad told reporters while hiding a smirk. “I can’t tell you how valuable it was to have a foreign influence stoking the fires during a period of violent unrest. The least we can do is return the favor.”

Assad’s aides exchanged high fives in a symbol of solidarity.