THE PENTAGON — In news that has every sailor and Marine in the Department of the Navy literally wailing with inconsolable grief, President Trump recently announced the nomination of a former
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has shuffled the Principals Committee of his National Security Council to be better prepared to defend America from existential threats posed by feminazis, cucks, and fans
Greetings. First, I'd like you to know that I am being treated very well by the Trump administration. Our glorious new President, Donald J. Trump, has been absolutely
WASHINGTON — Top U.S. officials sheepishly admitted today that their comprehensive ban on more than seven Muslim-majority nations from traveling to America had inexplicably failed to include residents of the
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — Not even 24 hours after a dramatic overtime victory over the Atlanta Falcons, the New England Patriots have become embroiled in new controversy by not giving credit to
WASHINGTON — President Trump is considering rescinding an executive order temporarily barring people traveling to the United States from seven Muslim-majority countries, after he saw a story highlighting a gorgeous Iranian
THE PENTAGON — After nearly two weeks of controversial executive orders, President Donald Trump has issued his latest decision: Disbanding U.S. Transgender Command — often referred to as "TransCom"
MOSCOW, RUSSIA — In a move which political analysts say is the most positive step for U.S.-Russia relations in years, the Russian government has announced their new ambassador to
HOLLYWOOD — A new action-thriller movie based on true experiences from a search-and-rescue unit is set to be the next Coast Guard movie that no one will actually watch, sources confirmed
LANGLEY AIR FORCE BASE, Va. — Due to manning cuts and years of major airliners paying higher wages for sweet abs, the U.S. Air Force Air Combat Command may begin
MIAMI, FL – The Marine Corps' top leadership has called for a Corps-wide safety stand-down after a Marine home on leave from boot camp died after drowning in pussy at
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — A Marine sergeant major has parlayed his vast experience of calling junior troops "yoo-hoos" into a role as an official spokesman for Yoo-Hoo, a popular
WASHINGTON – A Florida congressman is calling for tough reforms at Army basic training facilities so the service can match the track record of the Marine Corps, which implemented a policy
RICHMOND, Va. — Recently-separated Army Sgt. Vince Mills has stunned the local veteran community by refusing to start his own small business selling military-themed items, according to neighbors familiar with the
CAMP LEJEUNE, NC — An unexpected fart during 2nd Marine Aircraft Wing's change-of-command ceremony on Tuesday led to a change of boxers for Sgt. Maj. Samuel Beckett, his wife
WASHINGTON — Defense Secretary Jim Mattis has signed an order formally recognizing the Jalapeno cheese spread found in meals, ready-to-eat as currency at all DoD facilities. The move was long overdue
PENTAGON – Troubling reports just recently released by the Pentagon reveal that as of New Year's Eve, only 41 percent of Marine Corps aviators were able to get their
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has ordered the corpse of Army Gen. John J. Pershing to invade Mexico again and defeat “bad hombres,” according to a new National Security Decision Directive
THE PENTAGON — Following on the heels of the Performance Triad campaign, the Army's Office of the Surgeon General is rolling out new measures aimed at enhancing soldier performance,
President Donald Trump recently made the decision to ban Muslims from seven countries from entering America and to build a wall along the border with Mexico. Many have debated the
SAN ANTONIO, Texas — A U.S. Army veterinarian says she is sick of the veteran accolades she gets every time she goes out in public, since she’s never deployed
TAMPA — A raid by the Navy's SEAL Team 6 to kill or capture the leader of ISIS was cancelled this morning after the operations officer helping to plan
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump’s national security adviser Michael Flynn has resigned his post amid constant bullying from Secretary of Defense Jim Mattis and Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly, sources
BAGRAM AIRFIELD, Afghanistan — The past 17 commanders of international forces in Afghanistan, as well as other US leaders, say the coalition is making "real progress" towards defeating the
THE INTERNET — Just one day after the controversial ‘Day without a Veteran’ protests, military-themed t-shirt companies have reported a stunning drop in productivity and profits, sources confirmed. The social media
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