Opinion: Are we dead or just in Kuwait?
An existential op-ed written by your squad leader in Camp Buehring, Kuwait.
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National Guardsmen report ’emotional scars’ after deployment to air-conditioned tent on US-Mexico border
ABILENE, Texas — A Texas National Guardsman says he is suffering from “emotional scars” after returning from a deployment to the U.S.-Mexico border, sources confirmed...
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Point/Counterpoint: Do not reply to this email vs. Please remove me from this distro list
The following is a point/counterpoint discussion about the best way to respond to a mass reply-all email. The point will be presented by USARCENT, while the...
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DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Rick and Morty give your weekend safety brief
Rick: Okay, listen--[belch] --up. I'm going to keep this short, not because I think you won't listen - I know [belch] you won't. But I...
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U.S. confirms USS Carl Vinson actually off the coast of Hawaii in 1941
WASHINGTON — The White House and Pentagon have finally confirmed the location of the aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson, admitting that the carrier is actually...
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ISIS protests public nativity scene
AL QAYYARAH, Iraq — The self-proclaimed Islamic State has voiced criticism of the nativity scene in front of a local burnt out Grand Immaculate Church, sources...
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Shi’a death squads liberate Fallujah from Sunni death squads
FALLUJAH, Iraq — Shi’a death squads have resumed patrols on the streets of Fallujah, “restor[ing] a sense of normalcy” to the beleaguered Iraqi city, residents say. The...
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John McCain: ‘I Always Felt That I Was In High Stakes Real Estate’ In North Vietnam Prison Camp
WASHINGTON — Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), who spent much of the Vietnam War imprisoned in the infamous “Hanoi Hilton,” recently told supporters he always felt he “was in the game...
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Pentagon Deploys 3rd Adviser Division To Iraq
FORT STEWART, Ga. — A force of approximately 25,000 advisers from the U.S. Army’s 3rd Adviser Division is heading to Iraq to not participate in...
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New Private Eager To Join US Army’s ‘Socialist Paradise’
FORT POLK, La. — Spurred by the prospect of solid communal living, subsidized health care, and a guaranteed job, newly-graduated Pvt. Bronson Alcott extolled the virtues of the...
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Army NCOs Told To ‘Check Their Privilege’
FORT MCCOY, Wis. — Newly minted non-commissioned officers in the Army are now being told to “check their privilege” as part of a radical new form...
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Russia Threatens Export Ban On Cheap Vodka, Organized Crime
MOSCOW — Russian President Vladimir Putin has threatened to cut off two of the largest exports to the United States in protest of what he...
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Separating Soldier Desperate To Climb Back Into Army Vagina, Safety Of Federal Womb
FORT HOOD — A soldier soon to be leaving the Army after his return from Afghanistan is desperate to remain inside the warm safety and...
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Awkwardness Ensues As Taliban And US Outsource Operations To Afghan National Army
KANDAHAR, AFGHANISTAN — Controversy engulfed both U.S. Cental Command (CENTCOM) and the Taliban on Monday, when both were revealed to be outsourcing combat operations to the Afghan...
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Army Determined To Eliminate All Operational Memory Of War On Terror
ARLINGTON, VA — The Department of the Army announced Wednesday they are determined to eliminate all operational memory from more than a decade of fighting...
