THE PENTAGON – As the US military continues to struggle with lagging recruiting efforts, the Army has announced ambitious plans to fill their ranks using a program that “am lower standards more” to attract “more recruit[s].”

According to a press release from the Pentagon, the “Join Army, Bro!” campaign is aimed at those citizens who may have thought the Army was too “cerebral” before.

“Not everyone is a rocket scientist who can score a 21 on the ASVAB,” said MSgt. Cherry Thomas, from the US Army Recruitment Command. “We need warm bodies, and we need them now. Our message is if you can tell your ass from a hole in the ground two out of three times,” she said, holding up four fingers to demonstrate, “then your country needs you.”

The reasons for the service’s current recruitment difficulties are many. Low unemployment gives young people more stable pay that isn’t threatened by Congressional dysfunction, for example. And some polls indicate today’s youth may not like living in mold-choked barracks or living under the threat of food insecurity.