- Duffel Blog
- General Nakasone loses sticky note with Cyber Command master password
General Nakasone loses sticky note with Cyber Command master password
"I had it in my wallet too, but I got a new one and I guess I didn't move it over."
Nakasone “pretty sure” he stuck it under one of these.
FORT MEADE, Md. — The physical headquarters for U.S. Cyber Command declared “Cyber Protection Condition 1” last night after Commanding General Paul Nakasone self-reported losing the sticky note with the master password written on it, sources confirm.
“CPCON 1” requires personnel to implement the highest possible level of protection for all computers. It is normally only declared when Russia invades a country looking to join NATO, “But this is more important,” Chief of Staff Maj. Gen. Bradley L. Pyburn told a public affairs influencer on a NIPRNET podcast this morning.
“The Senate has finally confirmed General Nakasone’s replacement,’” Pyburn told the podcast audience. “Now he must turn in the master password to our CIF clerk so it can be reissued. Losing it is way worse than losing a canteen. Good luck getting his commander-in-chief’s signature if we can’t find that sticky note.”
Pyburn told the public affairs influencer, “The boss is pretty old in computer years so he wrote the master password on a sticky note. The guy’s commanded Cyber Command since 2018, which is equivalent to two Defense Distinguished Service Medals.” Before that, Nakasone led Army Cyber Command.
“Geezer’s so old, he doesn’t know what ‘RaaS’ means,” the chief of staff muttered over the livestream.
Pyburn hopes the sticky note will be found in one of many filing cabinets that litter the physical headquarters. “All our regulations are scanned from paper because we’re top-heavy with FGOs and GS-15s who use typewriters,” he said.
Cyber Command’s senior enlisted leader, Air Force Chief Master Sergeant Kenneth M. Bruce, joined the podcast. “Let me caveat off what General Nakasone just told me. The sticky note’s password will contain references to violent anime and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.”
“And he’s pretty confident it ends with a special character,” Bruce said with scorn in his voice. “Yeah, whose doesn’t? My own password is just a string of ‘bangs and huhs,’” a slang term for exclamation points & question marks.
Pyburn told the podcast audience, “The boss said to look for mstrpswd.txt on some data backups we found in his office closet. Anybody out there listening, call my landline if you have an old floppy disc drive laying around. The floppies we found are like the ones in the ‘WarGames’ movie.”
Pyburn concluded the podcast with a hot tasker. “General Nakasone wants to know if any DoD unit has a military working dog that can sniff for passwords. Leave the four-star a voicemail if you know the answer. His emergency phone number is (443) 654-0889.”
Robin Berger is a retired Air Force NCO who asks why Cyber Command’s billion-dollar top secret networks are controlled by a $2 keyboard and 50¢ mouse. The Joint Telework Center of Excellence invests in better C4I equipment and so should you.
Thoughts on today's story?
Remember to vote early and vote often