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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 136 · Friday, 13 November 2026

Navy & Marines

Marine with extremely low IQ thrilled by switch to Super Intelligence

Marine Corps announces major technological advancement requiring millions of dollars in new signage and PowerPoint slides

Homeless veterans receive 10% off cardboard boxes this Veterans Day

Hegseth asks staff to make next execution more like ‘The Running Man’

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Vol. 15 · No. 136

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Vol. 15 · No. 136 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

13 November 2026

1445 Zulu

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Navy & Marines · Page 5

Sick of cleaning toilets and mopping floors, janitor enlists for Navy adventure

Filed · 1541

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. – Saying he’s fed up with cleaning toilets for a living, local janitor Sean Ritchie announced Wednesday that he’s putting down his mop for good to join the Navy.

“I woke up the other day and just couldn’t do it anymore,” Ritchie said, visibly emboldened as a man taking charge of his life. “I’ve had it with the mindless tasks, with being looked at as the lowest of the low by piece-of-shit bosses, and with wearing my ass out for paychecks that amount to pennies. So I enlisted.”

Ritchie, 25, has been employed around the Jacksonville area in a variety of janitorial and maintenance jobs since graduating from Fernandina Beach High School in 2007. Though he initially enjoyed the freedom his low-commitment occupations allowed, Ritchie says the daily grind of “arbitrary, dehumanizing chores” ultimately left him hungry for the sort of adventure he’s sure he’ll find in his new life as a sailor.

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