WASHINGTON — Following a rash of whistleblowing that senior leaders have called "annoying," "unacceptable," and even "treasonous," the Army has announced a stopgap order banning all whistles on its bases. Whistles are no longer authorized for use, and remaining stockpiles will be gathered and disposed of in burn pits during the coming weeks.

"Blowing whistles while your fellow soldiers need their help — defying the chain of command — that is clearly not a way to live the Army's core value of, uh, whatchamacallit? Integrity!" said Army Deputy Chief of Staff G-1 Personnel, Lt. Gen. James C. McConville, when making the announcement.

The Army has fended off numerous whistleblowers in the past, and there seems to be no end in sight. Most recently, Col. John Hope has had to seek Congressional assistance after releasing a report highly critical of a $43 million gas station project in Afghanistan.