ABDERDEEN PROVING GROUND, Md. — Public Affairs officials at 20th Chemical, Biological, Radiological, Nuclear, and Something That Begins With “E” Command are scrambling after a slew of IG complaints were made public yesterday accusing leadership of using fake names on Facebook to snoop around their subordinates’ accounts.

Top officers at 20th CBRNE have apparently been using the fake profiles to “friend” subordinates and then join special, often secret or private groups for months. Once inside, they monitor their soldiers’ online activity.

The fake accounts are often made believable by careful manipulation and the clever use of pictures of college-age sluts.

“This is totally beyond the pale,” said Staff Sgt. Rory Pence. “I can't believe the bosses would engage in this behavior.”