MARINE CORPS BASE HAWAII — A grossly overweight light duty commando from Combat Logistics Battalion-3 made his intentions known that he planned to ditch his beloved fast chow and light duty chits in favor of the base gym's new line of fitness classes, sources confirmed today.

Lance Cpl. Hank Bowen made the announcement to several members of his platoon over breakfast at Cholo's Homestyle Mexican in Haleiwa, as he devoured a chorizo and ground beef chimichanga with a side of pork nachos. He says he's no stranger to physical training, having participated in group runs as recently as 23 months ago, but that 2018 is definitely his year.

"It's not really a resolution per se," he said between gulps of his Tutti Frutti Jarrito soda. "I'm just gonna live in the gym for like two — no, three hours a day —until I'm completely shredded. And then I will get a girlfriend. Probably that smokin' little bus driver from base motors."