Connect with us

News

Nation ‘pretty sure’ it’s forgetting something

Published

on

FARGO, N.D. — Americans everywhere were struck with the sudden feeling they were forgetting something this morning, though none of them could figure out what it was.

At 8:46 AM, area mom Jacqueline Kensington gave herself a quick pat down before leaving home for the day. Despite finding her phone and wallet where they were supposed to be, she still couldn’t shake the sensation she was missing something.

“I don’t get it,” she said. “I just searched myself as thoroughly as they used to at the airport, before that all changed for some reason.

“What could I possibly be forgetting?”

At 9:03 AM, Fargo’s resident homeless former Navy SEAL Daniel Ventnor launched into his daily rant imploring listeners to “Remember the Maine, the Alamo, and the Titans!” between stories of fighting the Vietcong in Korea, Ventnor realized he had left something out.

“Was there anything else I’m supposed to remember?” he asked. “Well, I’m sure if it were important we’d be fighting a war over it, and we’d obviously be very focused on that.”

“So I’ll just wait for the wholesale mobilization of society that will surely accompany any major conflict.”

At 9:37 AM, local man Noah Bearman was running late for work. Practically flying out the door, he came to a sudden stop. He had forgotten something. With a start, he announced, “My car keys! I’d better run back inside and start an endless search that will be more destructive than whatever loss I initially suffered, just to be safe.”

Experts suggest taking a moment of silence to try and recall whatever it was you were supposed to remember on September 11.

Advertisement
Advertisement