FORT MEADE, Md. — The Navy's Tenth Fleet, U.S. Fleet Cyber Command, announced that it had received final approval from the Chief of Naval Operations to begin an innovative cyber training program using Notional Operating Trainers, or NOTs, to better prepare sailors to combat the growing cyber threat.

"NOTs are simply the idea of a computer," according to Fleet Cyber Command spokesman Lt. Cmdr. Sean Riordan. "We used to train with actual computers, but you wouldn't believe what these weirdos would do with them."

"Sailors kept downloading terabyte upon terabyte of porn, often filled with malware," he added. "One sailor even managed to get his 'harpoon' stuck in a USB port."

After a rigorous 156 week selection and assessment process, sailors are authorized to imagine they are sitting at a computer terminal and begin the familiarization process.