By Clay Beyersdorfer
WASHINGTON — In the latest in a series of moves to address poor recruiting numbers, the Army is tossing its mandate for potential recruits to have a living pulse.
An official announcement is expected “within the next week,” which will reportedly waive the longstanding “living-breathing heartbeat” requirement to enlist, and will apply to any individual who ships to basic combat training before the end of the year.
“This will hopefully address the concerning numbers we continue to see as it relates to recruiting and retention,” a senior Army officer who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity told Duffel Blog. “It will create more opportunities for demons, zombies, and really any non-organic matter that wants to become a warrior.”
Leaked recruiting materials set to be unveiled following the announcement have already been spotted in graveyards, rifts, and demonic portals across the country.
“We’ll have you back home in no time!” a poster earmarked for Arlington National…
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