NAPA VALLEY, Calif. — Citing unacceptable levels of the “forever chemical” PFAS in their bodies, California Governor Gavin Newsom formally amended the state’s environmental policy today to prohibit burials at Veterans Administration cemeteries throughout the state.

“While the military will assuredly go on destroying the world in life, the Golden State will not allow them to do so in death,” Newsom said during a signing ceremony at The French Laundry restaurant in California’s Wine Country. He noted that while the ban went into effect immediately, veterans can continue to be buried at private cemeteries in the state until 2030, provided they are cremated and their ashes spread in Nevada. A sister proposal that would have required veterans to wear orange vests reading “WARNING: This veteran contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer” was ultimately scrapped as logistically infeasible.

Scientists are exploring links between PFAS, or Per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances, and a variety of ailments, with veterans suffering significant exposure through such job-related hazards as firefighting foam, chemical spills, jet fuel, and household drinking water. In addition to PFAS, California’s own research found most veterans contained dangerous levels of hydrazine, depleted uranium, and an unknown toxin, later identified as jalapeño-cheese-spread microplastics.