THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense announced today that from this point forward, all models of the F-35 Lightning II will be made entirely out of Taylor Swift concert tickets.
“We demand the highest quality building materials for our aircraft, and there’s nothing out there that’s better than front-row seats to see Tay in Vegas, Kansas City, and Seattle,” Col. Mark Steiner said. “It’ll cost us, for sure, but I think it’ll pay off if she closes at least one encore with ‘All Too Well.’”
The full “VIP Package” will include additional features and tickets right by the stage. The high-tech displays in the F-35 helmet will pump videos from Swift’s upcoming The Eras tour straight into pilots’ heads-up displays 24/7. Any pilot who successfully downs an enemy aircraft in combat will win backstage passes to next summer’s show in Minneapolis.
“It’s a little bit distracting conducting air-to-air combat missions while I’m trying to listen to Tay Tay’s Midnight album on repeat,” Capt. Jack Harlow said, “but I try to just tune out the dogfighting so I can focus on the music.”
