PTSD Barbie excluded from new Barbie Movie
"You can be anything." Except someone with invisible wounds.
“PTSD Barbie? Ignore her, she’ll eventually light herself on fire in a VA parking lot.”
HOLLYWOOD, Ca. - The Barbie movie is a hit. Fans, and 43-year-old divorced Dads with a very strange, but specific fetish, are rushing to theaters to watch the plastic doll spring to life. But in a movie filled with fan favorites and cameos — President Barbie, Earring Magic Ken, and HIV Positive Barbie — one friend is absent from the reunion.
Where is PTSD Barbie?
Introduced by Mattel as a way to scrub their public image after accidentally training Al-Qaeda suicide bombers with their ‘My First Explosive Vest’ Science Kit, PTSD Barbie never fit into the traditional Barbie mainstream. With only a fraction of Americans even aware that national defense is an issue, PTSD Barbie languished on shelves.
“It’s always Barbie this and Barbie that and Barbie wait outside, but it’s ‘Special pink train for Barbie’ when the trooper’s on the tide,” said Malibu VFW #1369 Commander Kent Brockton. “The nation calls, Barbie cranks up the pink Corvette, and rides to the guns. But when the shooting stops, it’s ‘Go back to the Dream House and be quiet, sweetheart.’ Next thing you know, Barbie’s laid up in her Royal Princess Bedroom, sucking back gallons of Military Special vodka, and watching AR-15 build videos at 3 AM.”
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