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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Friday, 25 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

25 September 2026

2236 Zulu

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· Page 2

'Til Valhalla' may not apply to Marine who died masturbating in porta-potty

It was a close call.

Filed · 0500

CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — The phrase ‘Til Valhalla’ may not apply to a young Marine who died last week while pleasuring himself in a porta-potty, according to a panel of barracks lawyers.

The Camp Lejeune public affairs office released a statement that Lance Cpl. Travis “Skeet” Dunmire, a three-time lance corporal assigned to the 2nd Reconnaissance Battalion, died during a live-fire exercise late last week. While the statement did not provide an official cause of death, sources say Dunmire died of autoerotic asphyxiation while masturbating in a portable restroom on the range.

“Skeet had a massive boner after he went cyclic on the .50 cal. He said he was going to the head to ‘rough up the commandant,’” Lance Cpl. Javier Uribe told reporters. “Holy shit, man. Now that I think about it, those were probably his last words — except for some grunting and stuff.

“That shit is profound,” Uribe added.

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