THE PENTAGON - In a surprise announcement earlier today, General Mark Welsh III, Air Force Chief of Staff, revealed that the Air Force is planning to retire sometime in the Spring, having last month celebrated her 65th birthday. Also present for the announcement was Air Force Secretary Michael B. Donley, who praised the service record of the Air Force, and revealed how the Department of Defense planned to continue overseas operations without USAF support.

Speaking to a crowd of spectators and journalists on the front steps of the Pentagon, General Welsh spoke at length about the legacy of duty and commitment to hard work the Air Force will be leaving behind, as well as plans for the future.

“The Air Force is known even within the branches of the US military for setting the standards. Ask any Marine, and he'll tell you that Air Force Physical Training stands apart from the pack. Ask any Army soldier, and he'll tell you that no one is asked to live in environments comparable to the Air Force's. Ask any Navy sailor, and he'll tell you that no one redeploys as quickly as the Air Force.”

“But the Air Force is getting older now,” Welsh continued, “and can't keep up the operational tempo of her younger days.” Visibly shaken, Welsh steadied himself on the podium before going on.