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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Thursday, 1 October 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

1 October 2026

1320 Zulu

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Air & Space · Page 6

Air Force holds bake sale to buy bomber

Filed · 1545

WASHINGTON, DC – With the Air Force facing a series of combined wartime and sequestration budget cuts totaling over $14 billion, Air Force Chief of Staff Mark Welsh III outlined to reporters today the Air Force's new procurement plan to use local bake sales to fund the purchase of aircraft.

"We're going to need a hell of a lot of brownies," General Welsh told reporters in the kitchen of his Washington, D.C. home, where his wife Betty was making the first batch of the estimated 1.6 billion brownies needed to afford a single B-2 bomber.

The first part of the bake sale will be occurring later this week on the flight line of Andrews Air Force Base, and will feature a series of cookies, pies, scones, danishes, tarts, croissants, biscottis, and cakes made by the families of base personnel. It will subsequently be held Air Force-wide on planes detailed to Transportation Command.

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