WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Veterans Affairs is considering a highly-controversial policy for U.S. service members killed in Afghanistan by having their deaths classified "Acts of God" — or Allah in this case — a clause not covered by the Servicemembers Group Life Insurance (SGLI), officials said.

This is the most significant policy change since SGLI stopped covering deaths by alcohol abuse, motorcycle riding, suicide, or anything else your First Sergeant may have warned you about.

“It is very difficult for us to turn a profit while having to pay for every soldier’s death,” said Randy Mears, an SGLI spokesman. “No other insurance company is burdened with these payments. We looked into the issue and discovered that insurance companies are not required to pay for Acts of God. Unfortunately, combat isn’t generally an act of God. But religiously-motivated killings are arguably indirect acts of Allah, and thus excludable."