DENVER, Colo. — In holding with the rest of your dogshit life, the tractor and trailer carrying your household goods unceremoniously and unsurprisingly careened off a cliff and exploded in a spectacular fireball yesterday outside Denver, sources confirmed.

Now, like your recently terminated marriage, your keepsakes are a mangled, shapeless heap of twisted metal and broken dreams.

Other than the acrid smoke now clogging the motorway, witnesses report it was a picture-perfect day in the Rocky Mountains, as meteorologists also confirmed it was sunny, 75 degrees, with no clouds in the sky. There was a sublime peacefulness in the Arapaho National Forest, but all of that was ruined by the thunderclap of 80,000 pounds of fiery banality hitting the valley floor at near-terminal velocity.