WASHINGTON — Analysts from Stratfor and The RAND Corporation have conducted an investigation into the leaked names on the so-called "ISIS Kill List" and concluded that nearly every target is an utter shitbag, Duffel Blog has learned.

The list, which included the identities of 100 airmen, sailors, pilots and others supposedly involved in airstrikes against ISIS were, in fact, all on the blotter report Monday morning for various infractions and violations of the UCMJ over the weekend.

"Most of the names on the list are already in the process of administrative separation for a pattern of misconduct," Pentagon spokesman Col. Steve Warren told reporters. Others are being notified of their rights under Article 31 of the UCMJ this week.