JOINT BASE CHARLESTON, S.C. —Petty Officer 1st Class Avery Billings, whose end of active service is scheduled for next Thursday, is eagerly awaiting his chance to exhaust his Post-9/11 GI Bill at an online school, sources confirm.

Billings, an instructor at the Navy's Nuclear Power School, is preparing to move back to California once he leaves active duty. However, instead of taking his impressive resume, straight-A community college transcripts, and hard-earned educational benefits to a UC or CSU campus, he is planning to use his GI Bill to pursue a degree at a for-profit online college.

"This is the opportunity of a lifetime!" said an elated Billings to his fellow instructors during lunch-break. "When else will I get a chance to use my ticket to an education at a school where things are so easy, and almost 40% of their graduates find jobs within two years of graduation?"

Billings has expressed interest in a Bachelors of Arts in Strategic Intelligence Studies at Libertarian University, since he's interested in "spy stuff" but doesn't feel like joining military intelligence. Sources say that when he is asked what he will do with the degree, he invariably says, "Probably go work for the NSA or CIA, or whatever. I'll figure it out."