VANDENBERG AFB, Calif. – Enlightened admirers gathered at an Air Force testing facility today for the unveiling of a state-of-the-art, intercontinental ballistic missile that celebrates the modern military’s most important mission: to embrace societal expectations.

The sociological leap into the 21st century follows in the recent wake of the Pentagon’s sweeping policy changes, including the repeal of its controversial transgender ban.

“Wow, that looks just like I always imagined it would,” says local man Joe Reid, who, despite growing up in nearby Lompoc, Calif., experienced extreme difficulty navigating to the missile’s location.

“I just think they could have been a lot more explicit with the directions,” he explains above a chorus of equally flustered men murmuring in agreement.