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FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton purchased a Gulfstream G500 at 35% interest from a used aircraft dealer on Sunday to show that she really understands how the troops live and most importantly, how they spend, sources confirmed.
“We advised her to go with a Dodge Charger but it just didn’t seem right to her,” said Jennifer Palmieri, a communications manager for the Clinton campaign. “She needed something that would really grab the headlines and relate to the spend-happy habits of our young service members.”
During a recent visit to the Fort Bragg Army installation, Clinton addressed a group of soldiers who urged her to do more to connect with the veteran community.
“Well for one thing, I’m basically married to a philandering dependent waiting and hoping that I advance in rank, ya know, to President,” Clinton said, indicating that she understood the plight of troops who are stuck married to dependopotamuses who, in addition to eating their way through life, also eat their way through service members paychecks. “You don’t know how well he would get along with your wives at the Family Readiness Group.”
The group remained silent and watched as Clinton continued speaking, sources said.
“Wow. She’s just like us,” said one Army specialist, who requested anonymity. “I mean, I just recently bought a 1999 Toyota Tacoma for 29% interest so she knows exactly what I’m going through.”
“This campaign is all about relating to people in any way we can,” said Palmieri. “We suggested that she add that she carries hot sauce in the jet as well to sort of kill two birds with one stone but that angle has already been worked so we didn’t quite go there.”