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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Wednesday, 30 September 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Wednesday

30 September 2026

1854 Zulu

Next edition Friday

← Front page
Army · Page 4

Army engineers fail to lay pipe in North Dakota

Filed · 1536

CANNON BALL, N.D. — The Army Corps of Engineers has agreed to pull out of planned operations in tribal areas of North Dakota, citing irreconcilable differences.

Deputy Chief of Engineers Maj. Gen. Richard Stevens expressed disgust with the situation, telling reporters his guys had worked for months to get a hook-up. "We even got approval from friends and family, I thought it was a done deal," he said.

After many late nights and heated encounters, however, the Engineers failed to get it in, sources confirmed.

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