PENSACOLA, Fla. – Navy Cmdr. Josh “Hogger” Ericson stunned friends and family following his retirement ceremony by stating he was still unsure what his callsign means, sources confirmed today.
“I think they named me Hogger because I’m so strong,” said Ericson while glancing at the name tag displayed on his flight jacket. “Like a hog. A boss hog.”
But, he added: “That still doesn’t quite add up. Why not ‘Ox’ or ‘Tiger?’”
Capt. Jim “Oral” Plesser, a classmate at primary flight training at Whiting Field, confirmed that Ericson’s wife, a 42DD with a 52-inch waist, is the slimmest woman Hogger ever dated. When asked if it was time to stop Ericson’s speculations, he commented that “it was funnier if that fat slug kept saying the ‘boss hog thing.” Plesser added that “if he hasn’t caught on after 22 years, that’s fucking funny.”
Cmdr. Mark “Money Shot” Lewis added that if Ericson didn’t want a callsign like Hogger, he should have done better in training so he could get a cool marksmanship nickname like he did.
Air Force Col. Tanya “Drapes” Roper, who knew Ericson from a joint assignment, said that Hogger’s name was “offensive and inappropriate for the workforce,” and not informing the veteran pilot of its origins amounted to hazing.
“This isn’t how we treat people in the Air Force,” she said, brushing back the red roots peaking out from her bleach blond hair. “They call me Drapes because you’d never see me dusting them.”
According to a source in the ward room who spoke on condition of anonymity, Ericson’s condition is all too common.
“These young men and women show up to pre-indoc so young — usually just 22 or 23. They don’t know to ask the right questions,” the source said. “We encourage them now to say, ‘Why a baby cat? Why Mexican food? What does that acronym stand for?’ You’ll never be able to change it, but you can ask. It’s better than a lifetime of uncertainty.”