WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump ordered a Tomahawk cruise military strike against one of the 3,297 factions currently fighting in the Syrian civil war, sources confirmed today.

Just days after the Syrian government, one of the thousands of rebel groups, or al Qaeda terrorists allegedly bombed civilians with chemical weapons, Trump and his military planners launched missiles after mulling options that could potentially punish the perpetrators of such a war crime.

"Everything is on the table," Trump told reporters onboard Air Force One on Wednesday. "We're pretty sure it's Assad who carried out this egregious attack. That's what my so-called intelligence agencies are telling me. But they told me stuff about Russia, and that was fake news, fake, fake news, so I'm not sure. I don't know what we're going to do, but we're going to do something. Something."