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Report: Trump canceled visit to DMZ after learning it wasn’t TMZ

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SEOUL — President Donald Trump reportedly cancelled plans for a last minute visit to the demilitarized zone between North Korea and South Korea upon learning that the DMZ wasn’t celebrity news organization TMZ, Duffel Blog has learned.

“I texted [TMZ managing editor] Harvey [Levin] and said, Harvey, you’ve got to be kidding me. What’re you paying per square foot out here? It’s like a wasteland. I wouldn’t build a hotel here for a weekend with [1988 Playmate of the Year] Kim Conrad,” Trump told reporters.

The president took off in a helicopter early Tuesday morning, but ordered it grounded upon learning that the demilitarized zone, known as the “DMZ,” was not the celebrity gossip news headquarters, according to sources. Over the rotor wash and engine noise, he was heard comparing North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un in unfavorable terms to model Kim Conrad.

“If I’m going be looking at a Kim with binoculars, how about Kim Conrad,” he said, elbowing New York Times White House Correspondent Maggie Haberman, who sighed at the ceiling of Marine One.

During a speech in Seoul, President Trump warned North Korea in no uncertain terms about its nuclear ambitions and then strayed into more personal territory.

“People talk. They say things. Trump seen with [Kim] Conrad. Conrad’s back on the market. They put it in the papers. It’s fake news, first of all. But, what I can tell you is that Kim Conrad is a very lovely woman. And, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s looking for something new,” he said.

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said that South Korea President Moon Jae-in was waiting at the DMZ for President Trump.

“Our alliance with the United States has never been stronger. Building on that strength, the Republic of Korea joins much of the international community in condemning fake news program The View, especially Barbara Walters, for treating President Trump very unfairly,” Jae-in said in an interview with South Korean news outlet Yonhap.

While the demilitarized zone between the two feuding countries is considered dangerous, US leaders, starting with Dwight Eisenhower, have a made a show of visiting the area. In 1993, then-President Bill Clinton walked out onto the “Bridge of No Return” to look through binoculars at the hermit country.

“You gotta wonder what a guy like that gets away with,” he said at the time, while biting a cigar.

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