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Chelsea Manning hopes to become Senate’s first openly transgender disgrace

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BETHESDA, Md. — Convicted traitor Chelsea Manning has announced the start of her campaign to become the US Senate’s first openly-transgender disgrace, sources confirmed this week.

Manning is also hoping to become the youngest female disgrace of a senator.

“There have been many disgraceful senators,” said political analyst Rob Tembley. “In fact, there are many serving right now. Manning, however, would be the first openly transgender one.”

Manning, best known for leaking classified information to Wikileaks, listed a number of reasons on her campaign website showing why she is qualified to be a disgrace.

A self-described “intelligence expert” after serving three years in the Army, she was reprimanded for publicly describing the interior of a SCIF. Her other military achievements include almost being discharged from boot camp, punching her supervisor in the face, flipping a table after minor corrective counseling, and being awarded the National Defense Service Medal.

In her first campaign ad, Chelsea proclaims “We don’t need more, or better leaders,” a sentiment anyone who wants Chelsea Manning in the senate would agree with.

“We need someone willing to fight,” Manning continues, referring to her inability to fight when her supervisor removed the bolt from her rifle after she was found in a cupboard in the fetal position.

Although the 30-year-old traitor with no advanced education is a historically unqualified candidate, supporters claim her emotional problems and mental instability make her a great fit for the current political climate.

When reached for comment, Manning responded with four emojis and a cartoon photo of herself flashing a peace sign.

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