YOUR HOMETOWN — An agent of the deep state working undercover with the NSA has expressed mixed feelings toward the conspiracy theories you post online.

Marcus Wolfe — a signals intelligence analyst charged by the covert establishment with monitoring your communications — has both laughed himself to tears and punched the air in rage due to the outlandish hypotheses you've shared on the Internet.

"This fucking guy has some hilarious ideas of what goes on behind the curtains of power," Wolfe told reporters inside an unmarked RC-12X SIGINT aircraft circling above your residence. "But it's not so funny when he actually guesses correctly and derails our plans."

The intelligence community's operation to keep tabs on your Internet and personal cell phone, thought to cost around $2 million a week, began in January 2009. During this time, they've had to cancel numerous secretive activities because you unknowingly ratted them out.