YOUR BASE — Sources at the base headquarters office are reporting that you and everyone else in your unit are to report immediately to the base fitness center for what they are calling a 'random’ urinalysis just one day after the well-known 4/20 date celebrated by marijuana enthusiasts, sources confirmed today.

Defense officials noted that they picked this date through a complicated, totally arbitrary process, that had nothing to do with the historical significance of the day prior and its connection to cannabis consumption.

“We figured that since some members were selected at random, we would select the remaining other members completely at random as well,” your commanding officer told reporters.