AFGHANISTAN — Marking the beginning of fall and a pivot towards a more bountiful, festive campaign season, an Air Force F-16 fighter dropped a pumpkin spice Joint Direct Attack Munition on a Taliban fighting position, sources confirmed today.
“There’s nothing more lovely than when the leaves start to turn and all of our munitions are spiced with a savory hint of nutmeg and ginger,” said Capt. Mitch Lozano, the pilot. “You can almost taste the cool, damp leaves of autumn and the rich musk of freshly cut hay in the air after every attack.”
Sources say the squadron’s pilots were sitting around the fire drinking pumpkin spice lattes, reminiscing on the change of seasons and the fleeting nature of life, when they received reports of an Afghan unit in need of support. In accordance with procedure, they donned their chestnut brown flight sweaters, placed their cozy helmets over their flaxen manes, and took to the skies in a chilly autumn wind.
“Oh, how enchanting to bring in the harvest with a crisp cool breeze and the scent of cinnamon and clove around the charred remains of your enemy’s corpse,” said Lozano. “There’s not much that says ‘autumn’ more than the warm palette of sepia and ochre colored leaves as you and your best friends fly off into the sunset after an aggressive gun run.”
At press time, the Air Force announced it was developing peppermint mocha armor-piercing 30mm cannon ammunition and gingerbread cruise missiles to be ready in time for Christmas.