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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Thursday, 1 October 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

1 October 2026

1156 Zulu

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· Page 2

'Top Gun: Maverick' filming halted after entire fleet of CGI F-35s grounded

Filed · 1532

NORFOLK, Va. — Filming of the highly anticipated sequel to 1986 hit "Top Gun" was halted last week after the entire fleet of CGI F-35s was grounded, sources confirm today.

"Top Gun: Maverick", which began filming in mid-August aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, stars Tom Cruise returning to his iconic role as U.S. Naval aviator Pete “Maverick” Mitchell. The film is rumored to center around F-35s going head-to-head against unmanned enemy drones.

The movie's director, Joe Kosinski, made the tough call to shut down filming while CGI experts could create a virtual Congressional oversight committee to raise digitized funds and lobby for a functional version of the troubled fighter jet in all 50 states.

"These things are nearly worthless," said Kosinski. “I tasked the tech guys with creating a computer-generated, highly versatile aircraft that would make for an effective war-fighting platform depiction. They modeled it on the real-life F-35s, and the result has been disastrous."

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