WASHINGTON – Pentagon officials fired a senior bureaucrat after he accidentally made a decision, breaking decades of tradition and spurring fears that the building may become more efficient, sources confirmed today.

Donald Witherspoon, a Senior Executive Service (SES) civilian on the Army staff, began working at the Pentagon after he retired as a colonel weeks before he was supposed to deploy for the first time.

Sources say Witherspoon began his day like any other: by crying in the shower, screaming “you are a man” at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, and donning an ill-fitting suit before driving to work. Little did he know, his role in the Pentagon was about to come to an end.