MINOT AFB, N.D. — Air Force leaders are applauding a group of airmen for using the popular “Tetris Challenge” to show how much shit enterprising security police forces can lose in just one year.
The Tetris Challenge is a recent series of internet postings featuring military, first-responder, or law enforcement units from around the world posing with weapons and equipment in geometric layouts to show the type and breadth of paraphernalia required to execute their respective missions.
“That’s boring!” said Minot oublic affairs officer Maj. Matt Beck. “Posing with on-hand equipment requires little imagination. I’ve made more difficult patterns during mindfulness exercises in Air Force leadership training.”
Minot airmen decided to showcase their skills at losing accountability for equipment. In 2018, Minot security forces lost both a box of 40-mm high-explosive grenades for a MK 19 grenade launcher and an M-240 machine gun. Beck said that unbeknownst to the press, security forces continued misplacing major items through the year.
“Losing that amount of stuff takes work and imagination” Beck said, “especially since these ‘professionals’ are really busy guarding nuclear weapons. Now that’s worth showing off!”
“Everything in our Tetris Challenge is an example of something that went missing from our security forces over the preceding year,” Beck said. “These tough airmen found time to lose weapons, helmets, protective gear, radios, night vision devices, some boxes of crap they totally forgot about, that HMMWV, and people.”
“The airman in the middle represents a staff sergeant we haven’t seen since a TDY to the Azores. He’ll turn up someday.”
Senior Air Force leaders echo Beck’s enthusiasm. Base Commander Col. Timothy Reynolds said, “This reflects Air Force ingenuity in unaccountability. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to lose an entire up-armored HMMWV. But with a good bar scene, helpful citizens, and some North Dakota snow banks the average airman will make it happen. And I’m definitely not trying to justify any loss of a vehicle or sensitive items that may or may not have happened in my past. Nope.”
Beck noted that gathering the equipment for the photo required significant negotiation skills. “Since most of their own gear was long gone, our security forces had to borrow items from other units, who worried that they’d lose it again.”
“I’m glad to report that their concerns were unfounded,” Beck said, “because we’ve returned almost 75 percent of the borrowed stuff. We’re confident about finding the rest soon.”