PENTAGON — Sailors’ waistlines may be expanding, but their increased buoyancy is saving the Defense Department billions of dollars in life-jacket costs, according to a study released by the Navy.

The study, codenamed Project Muffin Top, following a scathing DoD report that named the Navy as its fattest service. Sources say that after the report made headlines, former Navy Secretary Richard Spencer drew steep criticism from Congress, the Secretary of Defense, and the other service secretaries who started calling him “chubby lover” and “whale whisperer” in the Pentagon locker room.

Acting Secretary Thomas Modly held a short press conference this morning to announce the study’s findings, which claimed that the DoD would save roughly $6.7 billion over the next five years. Sources say he also wanted to dispel rumors that the Navy was going to begin requiring sailors to smoke, use meth, and go “keto” to burn off the flab.