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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Wednesday, 30 September 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Wednesday

30 September 2026

1958 Zulu

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· Page 2

SEAL Team 6 to ditch body armor to prove they’re not ‘p--sies’

Filed · 1550

In an act of solidarity with self-avowed super SEAL Rob O'Neill, members of the elite SEAL Team 6 said today they would no longer wear body armor since as one operator explained, “I’m not a pussy.”

In a statement to Duffel Blog, Naval Special Warfare spokesman Lt. Matt Stroup said the Dam Neck, Va.-based unit notified superiors this week that it would no longer require body armor to stop enemy gunfire since kevlar is merely a placebo. SEAL Team 6 leaders also said they would stop wearing government-issued gas masks since all operators know more about biological warfare than most of you, are trained, and frankly, understand that these dumb ass masks do nothing. Nothing.

On Tuesday, O'Neill posted a photo of himself to Twitter aboard a Delta Air Lines flight without a protective face mask with the caption that he was “not a pussy,” despite the fact that the world is still enduring a pandemic in which more than 175,000 Americans have died. O'Neill was later banned from flying with Delta Air Lines, just under two years since he completed his FAA-mandated 18-week training course on How To Be A Courteous Airline Passenger.

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